A fangirl who dreams of having a very romantic love story someday. A girl who always ends up wondering why on Earth she's the way she is. A girl who is deeply, hopelessly and desperately inlove with Micky. A girl who is always spending her time, alone.Reality x_x
Okaay. Before I start sharing this one. Let me share first my situation here. ((: I'm in a Computer Shop somewhere far from our house. I don't know anyone here. Yup. They're all strangers. My Mom and her bf dropped me here because they forgot to buy something for my Tita. :-J We're on our way to Bangkok anyway. :]
Uhm. This one is like sharing an unsaid feeling and a confession at the same time. rofl. I've been keeping this for a while now. And I wanna let it out like, NOW. I just feel so bloated and tired of keeping this sh*t. XD My soul won't be at peace unless I let this out.
Well, honestly, I always wanted to be a Moderator at Friendstertalk.com. Who doesn't want to anyway? I mean, in my own basic observation, I can feel that almost everyone wants to. Anyway, I reported spam posts, tried to post with sense, and went online almost everyday. I tried to be friendly and mingled with others. In short, I did what I know is good. But, all those "hard works" aren't enough. They didn't.. they DON'T want me to be a part of their team. Maybe because they didn't see any effort or potential on me. I got so mad that I wanted to quit on everything. I admit that I was expecting too much. I was expecting that I will receive a PM from admin and welcome me. Blah. Blah. I just woke up seeing those new set of moderators. I envy them. I got jealous. I felt like I'm a doormat. I was like a crumpled paper. A NOBODY! I know. I react too much eventhough I'm not good. I wanted to make rants, send a complain letter. But, what for?! That would make things even worse.
Mood swing came, Jeally the Green monster came, and some mad thoughts. Hatred. Almost every worst thing came. Made myself busy doing nothing. Stopped mingling. Until I realized something. I tried to read all my previous posts and I just laughed out off them. WTF? I was aking myself, "What am I doing? Why am I feeling this? My posts tell everything." .. I'm not good. I didn't try my best. I thought they'll make me one because I've contributed a little. But, those aren't enough. I guess I need to put MORE effort. I know, I'm too young. Or maybe the way I post is really rude. I UNDERSTAND. I understand everything now. NO HARD FEELINGS ANYMORE. :)
And here I am. Getting busier and busier every single day. =] Maybe that's the reason why I didn't become one. I feel so thankful and ashamed at the same time. Blaming them doesn't make any sense. : )) I just let my pride eat me out. rofl. And, I also realized that, being a Moderator isn't that important. It's just a rank anyway. Being one won't make people worship you. Yeah, maybe everyone will respect you. But, I don't want people respecting me of what I am. I want them to respect me of who I am. :) I'll do the same thing of course. :))
Ohh. I almost forgot. I posted this at Ftalk..
I envy those people who receive great opportunities. Because so far, I haven't
received any. =]] I know I'm not that good nor worse. But I'm trying my best
to prove that I'm a somebody. Not just an ordinary person. But, oh well. I'm just
gonna love what I have now. That's all I got.
I looked at the brighter side. I didn't know that I received lots of great things even better than such opportunities. I wasn't paying attention and was blinded by my stupidity. I won't let this happen again. I'm gonna try to treasure every one of those. Because I did nothing with those things that passed by me. I just got them. And didn't have the chance to enjoy and treasure it. = )) Amazing. XD
One more thing, I didn't lie to anybody. :] Things.. uhh. Forget about it. Let's just close that case. Past is past.
Uhm. This one is like sharing an unsaid feeling and a confession at the same time. rofl. I've been keeping this for a while now. And I wanna let it out like, NOW. I just feel so bloated and tired of keeping this sh*t. XD My soul won't be at peace unless I let this out.
Well, honestly, I always wanted to be a Moderator at Friendstertalk.com. Who doesn't want to anyway? I mean, in my own basic observation, I can feel that almost everyone wants to. Anyway, I reported spam posts, tried to post with sense, and went online almost everyday. I tried to be friendly and mingled with others. In short, I did what I know is good. But, all those "hard works" aren't enough. They didn't.. they DON'T want me to be a part of their team. Maybe because they didn't see any effort or potential on me. I got so mad that I wanted to quit on everything. I admit that I was expecting too much. I was expecting that I will receive a PM from admin and welcome me. Blah. Blah. I just woke up seeing those new set of moderators. I envy them. I got jealous. I felt like I'm a doormat. I was like a crumpled paper. A NOBODY! I know. I react too much eventhough I'm not good. I wanted to make rants, send a complain letter. But, what for?! That would make things even worse.
Mood swing came, Jeally the Green monster came, and some mad thoughts. Hatred. Almost every worst thing came. Made myself busy doing nothing. Stopped mingling. Until I realized something. I tried to read all my previous posts and I just laughed out off them. WTF? I was aking myself, "What am I doing? Why am I feeling this? My posts tell everything." .. I'm not good. I didn't try my best. I thought they'll make me one because I've contributed a little. But, those aren't enough. I guess I need to put MORE effort. I know, I'm too young. Or maybe the way I post is really rude. I UNDERSTAND. I understand everything now. NO HARD FEELINGS ANYMORE. :)
And here I am. Getting busier and busier every single day. =] Maybe that's the reason why I didn't become one. I feel so thankful and ashamed at the same time. Blaming them doesn't make any sense. : )) I just let my pride eat me out. rofl. And, I also realized that, being a Moderator isn't that important. It's just a rank anyway. Being one won't make people worship you. Yeah, maybe everyone will respect you. But, I don't want people respecting me of what I am. I want them to respect me of who I am. :) I'll do the same thing of course. :))
Ohh. I almost forgot. I posted this at Ftalk..
I envy those people who receive great opportunities. Because so far, I haven't
received any. =]] I know I'm not that good nor worse. But I'm trying my best
to prove that I'm a somebody. Not just an ordinary person. But, oh well. I'm just
gonna love what I have now. That's all I got.
I looked at the brighter side. I didn't know that I received lots of great things even better than such opportunities. I wasn't paying attention and was blinded by my stupidity. I won't let this happen again. I'm gonna try to treasure every one of those. Because I did nothing with those things that passed by me. I just got them. And didn't have the chance to enjoy and treasure it. = )) Amazing. XD
One more thing, I didn't lie to anybody. :] Things.. uhh. Forget about it. Let's just close that case. Past is past.
Labels: insanity
Unlike any other girls, I am different in my own unique way. So don't even dare comparing me with them. 
You'll probably think it's weird. Well, there's nothing I can do about it, right? 
I wanna befriends with people my class than to those people who are just wasting their time pretending someone they are not! 
Whatever. I'm so not gonna talk about it. 
*What?! That's why we call it, WISH right?!
Aila